Self-sabotaging behavior can be defined as any action or inaction that works against our goals or desires. This might manifest as procrastination, self-criticism, self-neglect, or pushing people away. It can be very frustrating and demoralizing to deal with, especially if we don’t understand why we do it.
There are many possible reasons why we might sabotage our efforts, but some of the most common include:
Fear of Success
We may be afraid that if we achieve our goals, we will be in for a big disappointment. This can be especially true if we have a history of trauma or abuse. Our goals may be based on things we were told we should want, or on an idealized version of ourselves that we think we should be. We may be afraid that we will not be able to live up to our goals, or that we will not be happy if we achieve them.
Fear of Not Being Good Enough
Success and happiness are both very desirable things, and most people would love to be successful and happy. However, sometimes we may feel that we are not worthy of success or happiness, and this leads us to sabotage our efforts.
Low Self-Esteem
There can be a lot of reasons why we may feel that we are not good enough as we are. Maybe we compare ourselves to others and feel that we don’t measure up. Maybe we have low self-esteem and believe that we are not worthy of happiness or success. Or maybe we engage in self-destructive behavior as a way of punishing ourselves for our perceived flaws.
Need for Control
We may feel that we need to be in control of everything in our lives, and when we don’t have control over a situation, we may feel overwhelmed or anxious. This can lead to self-sabotaging behavior. We may overwork ourselves, or eat or drink in excess, to regain control. Alternatively, we may avoid situations in which we don’t have control, such as social gatherings. This can lead to feelings of isolation.
Trauma or Abuse
It is not uncommon for people who have experienced trauma or abuse in the past to engage in self-sabotaging behavior. This may be a way of dealing with our feelings, as we may feel that we are not worthy of happiness or that we are not good enough. This can lead us to harm ourselves emotionally or physically.
Resentment
We may feel resentment towards others, whether it is directed at people in our lives or society in general. We may feel that we are not getting what we deserve, and this can lead to self-sabotaging behavior. We may feel that we need to prove ourselves to others, or that we are not good enough. This can lead to a sense of worthlessness and can prevent us from reaching our full potential.
Stubbornness
There can be a lot of reasons why we may be determined to do things our way, even if it is not the best way. We may feel that we are not getting the help we need, and this can lead to us trying to do everything ourselves, even if we are not capable of doing so. We may also feel that we are not being heard, or that our opinion is not being taken into account. This can lead to us feeling like we have no choice but to do things our way.
Perfectionism
We may be perfectionists. This can lead to us feeling like we are never good enough. This can cause us to engage in self-sabotaging behavior to meet our high standards.
There can be many other reasons why we might engage in self-sabotaging behavior, but these are some of the most common. If we can identify why we are doing it, we can work on addressing the underlying issues. This can be a difficult process, but it is possible to overcome self-sabotaging behavior with time and effort.
